How My Step Father Molested Me Se*xually

I'm glad I found this forum and feel comfortable to finally put this experience I had in writing so I can get it off my soul and perhaps leave it here forever. I was 13/14 years old when this happened. I have never told anyone. My step father would lay me on top of him and sort of rub my body against his so our genitals would touch.

I am ashamed to say that I was stimulated by this. And, maybe this is why I've felt so guilty. Also, he's been an otherwise wonderful father whom I love very much. I would never tell my family or husband about this. That would destroy my family. It will stay hereThis experience has left me with scars. I have some inhibitions when it comes to my sexuality. I'm almost uncomfortable about it. I also have a chronic illness that I'm sure is effected by my anxieties. 
My step father has been so great to me. I don't even think about what happened when I'm around him. But, there are times it comes to me like a huge wave and I feel like I'm drowning. I want so much to tell my husband but fear he will not want to be around my father anymore and I'd be so hurt to not see him or my mother. So, I won't tell. 

My step father is the only father I've ever known. He came into my life when I was just 2 and I've always been "daddy's little girl". That makes me feel good. But, the experience makes me feel ashamed, dirty and unworthy. I don't know if that is the reason why I question people's sincerity when they pay me a compliment. Like. I've always been told all my life I'm pretty but never believe it. If my husband tells me he loves me and I'm his whole world, I wonder if he's "just saying that".

Gosh....I never thought anyone would know my "secret". I hope now I can leave this here and somehow find my way to forgetting it. I've already forgiven in my heart. 

Is it possible for me to just get this out and forget it? What can I do to forget this ever happened and move past it? I'm 40 yrs old now....I can't imagine keeping this pain and shame for the rest of y life.

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and for being here.
My best--